Sunday, January 16, 2011

Pain is relative.

So the other day I threw out my back--holy MOther. It's so strange, it happens maybe once every few years, and I'll just be sitting up to get out of bed and then it's like a little baloon pops right between my shoulder blades, and then the pain immediately radiates outward, and I'm gasping every time I move. Have I mentioned how much I hate to feel pain? I work on my feet lifting and moving and I knew this was going to be a problem. I went into fear and panic mode. As some know, I have a history of opiate abuse, and I have pushed my body way too far not knowing it in the past because I was always medicating myself and never felt the damage I was doing. This is the first time in sobriety I'm dealing with this kind of pain, and was really concerned about going in to a doc, fearing they would give me pain meds, and then my head was spinning with the idea of those magic pills and how they could take this away... I texted several friends in the program and got some feedback, talked to my parents, and talked to my sponsor, and prayed my guts out, "Thy will be done, and help me know how to do thy will." Went to an Instacare, and they gave me a non-narcotic called Toradol (like Ibuprofen but much stronger) and suggested I get to an ER for an xray. I decided against the ER at least for now, and I went to work and have been icing and heating like crazy. A friend said that "this will eventually go away; a relapse won't." Such truth... I have lost the right to put any mind altering substances/chemicals into my body...  Found a back brace I can wear and am rotating advil and tylenol, and I have to say, last night I was almost in less pain than I usually feel even just in a normal day. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers, I know they have helped me immensely. And I'm doing it sober, one day at a time. I'm very humbled.


  1. So very proud of you and your choices! The HP thing is just amazing, isn't it? Haven't seen you for a while, but I'm happy to hear you're doing so well. Love you, sweetie!

  2. I love this part "I have lost the right to put any mind altering substances/chemicals into my body". This is true for so many of us. I don't think I have ever heard it in such a way. Glad you are feeling a little better.

  3. Thanks guys!

    Shelly I miss you sana sana! When we goin back to Kenya?

    Gail yes, it is. It's funny too because it seems to come to me in different ways, different days... I hope I see you soon. :)

    Rachael, it is absolutely true for us. I think I heard it put that way in a meeting. It really hit me. And thanks. A little better every day. :)

  4. I love my Amy oh yes i do! You are doing such a great thing here and you are aware of so many things now, that two years ago, were nonexistant to you. keep up the good work, and standing in your truth. i love you. big soft hugs

  5. Good job Amy! I'm soooo proud of you! Its so easy to relapse when something like this happens. Its so easy to go into the thoughts that, well its ok because THIS happened...but you stayed strong and stayed focus. And I'm proud of you. I hope you're as proud of yourself!


    ps. we need to get together sometime!

  6. Bri, thanks. You are such a good friend to me.

    Maggy, you know it! and yes please!