Sunday, January 16, 2011
Pain is relative.
So the other day I threw out my back--holy MOther. It's so strange, it happens maybe once every few years, and I'll just be sitting up to get out of bed and then it's like a little baloon pops right between my shoulder blades, and then the pain immediately radiates outward, and I'm gasping every time I move. Have I mentioned how much I hate to feel pain? I work on my feet lifting and moving and I knew this was going to be a problem. I went into fear and panic mode. As some know, I have a history of opiate abuse, and I have pushed my body way too far not knowing it in the past because I was always medicating myself and never felt the damage I was doing. This is the first time in sobriety I'm dealing with this kind of pain, and was really concerned about going in to a doc, fearing they would give me pain meds, and then my head was spinning with the idea of those magic pills and how they could take this away... I texted several friends in the program and got some feedback, talked to my parents, and talked to my sponsor, and prayed my guts out, "Thy will be done, and help me know how to do thy will." Went to an Instacare, and they gave me a non-narcotic called Toradol (like Ibuprofen but much stronger) and suggested I get to an ER for an xray. I decided against the ER at least for now, and I went to work and have been icing and heating like crazy. A friend said that "this will eventually go away; a relapse won't." Such truth... I have lost the right to put any mind altering substances/chemicals into my body... Found a back brace I can wear and am rotating advil and tylenol, and I have to say, last night I was almost in less pain than I usually feel even just in a normal day. I appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers, I know they have helped me immensely. And I'm doing it sober, one day at a time. I'm very humbled.