Baby steps to my Everest...

So I sent off the application, written and video, for The Biggest Loser, season 12 on Friday! Wow, what a freaking project! My sis Alicia and I have had so much fun putting it together. I have laughed so much with her, but I think a lot of the laughing was because I didn't want to cry because it freakin' hurts to realize what I am dealing with (i.e. ME) today... Seeing yourself on video in a sports bra and spandex... NOT fun. I look at myself and realize how much denial I've been in for so long. I have become the Queen Mother of denial and rationalization! Like I'll see a photo of myself or see myself in the mirror, and I just somehow disregard the image and tell myself that's not really me. The camera adds a hundred pounds; the mirror is defective... Holy crap you guys!

So: it starts now (again, again, again. Again.)! Today I am accountable for what I do to/with my body. Whether or not we are picked for the show, I am committing to live a healthy lifestyle. I can't do the things I truly want to in this body. I am 33 years old, I have lots of years ahead, and the world is a huge place with so many people to meet and things to see and just life to experience! The only person who holds me back from all that is Me. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!

What can I change today? A character defect I have is that I make big plans and get all excited, then I lose interest quickly and don't follow through and/or procrastinate doing what needs to be done. That is NOT working for me, obviously. I watched a series on people who climb Mt. Everest, and something that hit me was that they literally could only do it one tiny step at a time, and each tiny step was just as important as the next. I think small steps are the best plan for me, today.

Today I will:

• Drink half my bodyweight in water. I can do this, water is free! It's not a matter of rocket science, and gulping water will not strain/sprain or break anything.

Oh, and by the by, I committed on my audition video to quit smoking. I have purchased an E-Cigarette, and have been kinda using it and kinda smoking real ones, with no plan. Help??!