What an intense Biggest Loser this week! I promise, again, NO SPOILERS, but as usual it was very inspirational and motivating. I couldn't believe the numbers even the skinny ones pulled! My sisters and I did our weekly "Hofheins Hotties" weigh-in, and I think due to Superbowl Sunday, several of us pulled no-gain/no-loss-es, myself included. Audrey took the title with 3 lbs.! Good work sis!
Speaking of weight loss and such, I have this thing which I'd probably term an Eating Disorder that's just not commonly talked about. Anorexia and Bulimia are very rampant and of course very devastating in many people's lives, including many friends in my circle(s). I suffer from (my term) Compulsive Overeating, which I'd describe as bulimia without the purging. I'll wait until I'm alone and consume huge amounts of food. I used to do this daily, when I started methadone it got really ugly--we're talking a whole package of cookies, a whole package of Pringles, and a large bag, like family sized, of M & M's a DAY. I gained roughly 60 lbs. in a few short months. I've been doing really well lately, but find that like with my alcoholism, when I get Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (the good old H.A.L.T. principle), I am really triggered to binge. I know it's abnormal, because I don't really eat in front of people, nor do I eat much during the day time. I actually plan it, I hoarde food, hide it, then binge usually late at night. Horrible for my metabolism!!! As I mentioned, it's been pretty stagnant for awhile now, but Superbowl Sunday came around and we had so much food here, and I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted that day. I thought I'd be fine the next day, but I'm really struggling to get back to the healthy lifestyle I've been practicing. Just that one day threw me ridiculously out of whack. Wow, just writing it out in black and white really helps to hold me accountable, even if to just myself. They say we are as sick as our secrets. Colour me healthy-er.
On a random note, I dare you to write a haiku today! (an unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually five, seven, and five syllables respectively) Here's mine:
get this back on track
cunning, baffling, powerful
carpe my diem
Play!!!
Here is my try. . .
ReplyDeletePuckered toes clutch thumb
little frog with sticky feet
an over-sized ring
always enjoy your blog btw
ReplyDeleteMel--I LOVE the haiku! You are a writer; I always knew it though. :) Thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteSecret truths hit home
ReplyDeleteYour courage lifts me higher
Finish the race strong!
Amy,
I love you. You raw honest truth is so refreshing and introspective. I always admire you and look at myself a little differently after reading your blog. ( oh and I laugh out loud sometimes too) I may not be the most visible or the loudest but I am definitely in your cheering section.
Yeah, I tried to come up with one...I'm SO not the creative type in this kind of arena! haha
ReplyDeleteThanks again for your words of encouragement!
I spent a lot of time talking to my nutritionist about self sabotage and trying to get to the bottom of mine. I SO can relate to what you are saying here. I'm guilty too. It's amazing how simple truths, that I can be so ashamed of or have such a hard time admitting out loud, when unearthed either by myself or others (such as yourself), have a way of making me feel less "alone" in my struggles. Sheesh, world's longest sentence. lol
I'm so proud of you...it IS just as much a battle of the mind as the body. I've not really been able to admit that to myself until just recently. We ARE going to do this. So proud of you!
Oh yeah, so to share a haiku...no I didn't write it, but I LOVED it:
"Silence–a strangled
Telephone has forgotten
That it should ring”
Brenda, your haiku is awesome. Beautiful. Your words mean the world to me, both in sentiment and gesture. I love you too, my friend. And laugh away, I think I'm pretty funny! Ü
ReplyDeleteSo my mind is currently not working right now and so I will have to work on my Haiku later! I'm so sorry that you are having these struggles. It's great that you can admit it out loud. You will work through this and overcome! Hang tough girl! Also congratulations on your weight loss last week that is awesome! =)
ReplyDeleteCarrie--You are welcome, and thank YOU for the same. And I heart long sentences. :) I'm learning that talking about things, even the so-called shameful ones, really helps me be honest with me, which makes me feel better inside. Yes, we ARE going to do this, and I am proud of you too, my friend. LOVED the haiku, where did you find it???
ReplyDeleteKaren--I'll extend the deadline for the writing assignment JUST THIS ONCE. ;) I appreciate your support and encouragement! You are such an example to me!
Your disorder's mine
ReplyDeleteKnowing so much how you feel
I hide my food too!
Ang, that was really powerful; it touched my heart. We may be very different in many ways, but I think we're a lot alike too. Thank you for posting that. Meant a lot to me. I love you!
ReplyDeleteI love how open and honest you are being and the success you are having holding yourself accountable. My haiku relates to my post today
ReplyDeleteCan you climb the wall
Hit the wall called sabotage?
Haul ass, jump over
HEHEHE!!! LOL! That sucked! Quit making me think.
Rachael--thank you. Holding myself accountable means to me that I'm at least aware, which is more than I could say beFOre. I love the haiku! You're a freaking poet! :) Self sabotage seems pretty common in all of us. I wonder what's at the root...? Or am *I* overthinking it? ;)
ReplyDelete